I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
