If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
