so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
that may or may not have been my penis.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize