What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
