Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
