I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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