Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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