Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize