This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
