we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
