Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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