I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
