im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize