I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
