operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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