Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
