My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and she was petting her beer can
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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