at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
