Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Less talking, more tequila
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
