Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everclear isn't food dammit
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