Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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