I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize