If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
