Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
