im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize