i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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