the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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