my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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