barbara walters just said penis...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
