Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
