I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
