which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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