you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
