He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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