Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
