Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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