then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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