I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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