Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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