Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
