I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
