I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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