By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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