Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have aggressive nipples.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
