Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
