please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
