I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
