K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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