Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
