I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
