He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
