I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
