seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
