There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
