Pappa wants mamma naked
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
