he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
