Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
