Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
