just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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