i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
