totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
