I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
