Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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