so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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