The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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