So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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