Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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