I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize