3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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