before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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