They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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