Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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