i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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